The Stain

A few months ago my friend and comedy mentor Todd asked me about a incident at an old comedy condo that apparently has been legendary around the comedy industry for years. I was truly unaware that the story had spread so far. Last night when I saw him again he asked again and this time clarified the incident in question, the incident at the condo. “Ohhhh that condo. The first condo not the house, the condo.” I said
Suddenly it all came back. This is the story of “The Stain..”

I was working the week with my friend Susanna in Kansas and was having a great week. Third night of the week I met an older woman who worked at the club and we hit it off. Just laughing and drinking. That Saturday night is the night in question. I was drunk off my ass. 15 double shots of 1800 tequila had come to the stage and I met every shot like an old friend. I walked off stage to shake hands, say thanks to the people and sell shirts. On my way to the front, she was walking past me I stopped her pushed her against the wall and kissed her hard. Her words “It’s about damn time” she walked away, I sold shirts. Later she showed up at the condo where we were having a small get together with some of the staff. So we hung out for a few minutes with everyone then she went to the restroom and I went to the bedroom. We met in the headliners bedroom and spent the next 4 or 5 hours doing very dirty things to each other. Dirty and fun things. Dirty and loud things. So loud in fact the next day on the drive back Susanna glanced over her vintage sunglasses and latte at me and said “Mo you really make bear noises when you fuck. All that growling and moaning. Damn”. My response. ” that wasn’t me” Susanna then spit her Starbucks out her nose
Anyway, back to the previous night
So loudly sexing this mid 40’s chick she grunts “fuck my ass”. As I’m flipping her over she says” I have lube in my bag” she scurries from under me like a solider in basic training under barbed wire. Then she throws on the bed what looks like a 40oz st ides malt liquor size bottle of Wet lubricant either mango or orange flavored I can’t remember the smell now. Anyway the anal happened and the grunts continued and a open bottle of lube ended up on the floor at some point. Doing one of that nights lust breaks she got up, went to the restroom and on the way stepped on the open bottle of lube and yelled “fuck”. I looked over and saw a glistening foot and a blob of lube not yet permeating the shitty shag carpet of decades gone by. I looked up at her and she was running to get a towel to try and clean up the mess, both on the floor and off her belly. I have to say she was talented seeing woman scrub a floor and her belly and the same time must be the deviant equivalent of rubbing your head and patting your stomach at the same time. So she cleaned it up as well as possible and got back in the bed.
That’s the story people the long wondered question of the stain in the Wichita comedy condo before the house was built. It was a lube stain of either mango or orange flavored wet.
Sorry nothing more disturbing. No one gave birth or killed a chicken in that room just wild dirty loud grunty sex
I have no shame and now that legendary story can be answered.

The photo is not of the actual stain but something to represent that stain. That stain was much larger.

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