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The Ride Home
Right before we left, she yawned and the groundwork was set. As we got in the car, she said, “I’m just going to lay down for a few minutes before we get home.” She slid in beside me and proceeded to lay down, leaning right into my lap. As we took off in the darkness for home, she rolled about and tried to get comfortable. She did so with her face in my crotch, and her right hand cupped under my 1986 acid-wash-jeans-covered balls, which she started to unzip using her mouth. Honestly, I was both turned on and fucking scared. This was porn star talent. What in the hell? The drive home should have been about 15 minutes — I lost track of time because she was giving me the best blowjob ever (When I say best, I mean third or fifth blowjob ever).
You see, we were on the way to her home, to drop her mother and her off. And I wasn’t driving; my uncle was. Yes folks, this girl laid in my lap, pulled out my junk, quietly and quickly sucked me off to the sounds of my uncle blasting the k97 Quiet Storm as he got acquainted with her mother. 
Thinking wasn’t an option. Thoughts happened before I knew I needed to think. Two sets of thoughts repeatedly went through my mind. First: “OMG, I can’t believe she is doing this. This feels incredible. I can’t wait to tell Eric.” And second: “OMG, her mom is in the front seat. Her mom has a gun in her purse. Fuck, I’m going die. Someone tell Eric what happened !”
(Guys always tell our best guy friend when something new and incredible happens sexually. This counted as both. Eric knows more about my sex life than some of my ex-girlfriends.) 
I heard laughter coming from the front seats, laughter slightly louder than the “Ready for the World” song playing on the radio. Looking out the side window, I’m trying my best to relax, enjoy, and not make any stupid giveaways of what’s going on. Oh fuck. Her mom gave my uncle the back route which cuts this trip down from 15 minutes to 10 minutes. “We have 3 minutes then left after the light,” I heard her mom say.

Fuck. 
I stroked her hair as she sped up her strokes . She heard the shortcut directions, too, and well, she wanted to finish. In the next 90 seconds, she got me off, swallowed a vicious load, put me back into my jeans, zipped it back up, and got in a less relaxed position. My uncle slowed the car down when we got to the street in order to not miss the house. She quickly reached down and swiped a finger between her legs. She then brought it back out, sticking a pussy soaked finger in my mouth. OMG she hadn’t worn panties. As she straightened herself back up with a convincing yawn, she said, “I needed that little nap.” 
My uncle stopped and parked the car. Her mom got out and pushed up the seat to let the daughter out. Mom asked, “Wanna get up front, Mo?” 
“No thanks, Ms. Austin, we have about 5 minutes until home. I’ll be good here,” I said. 
Truthfully, there was no way I was going to move my crotch out in the open — not in the light. This woman carried a gun in her purse daily and to every school dance, just in case. It was the 80’s. I didn’t know if I had any…droplets on these jeans. How did I know she hadn’t gotten sloppy in her rush? I could have it on the seat! Yikes.
I did scoot over to the passenger side, and she leaned back into the car saying, “I had a lot of fun with you tonight. We should do that a lot more.” While her mom walked toward the house, she gave me a big neck hug, whispering, “Tomorrow after class you’re going to eat my pussy.” 

There was no way I was getting out of that car now. 

Within 10 minutes after getting back to my home, she called and said, “I’m sorry, I can do better next time but you’re eating me tomorrow.” She said next time. Woo hoo! That’s really all I heard. That she would be doing that to me again. 

I did go down on her the next day at her house while her mother was gone. Two dogs watched. 

We started and continued a relationship for about 6 months ’till I found out she would be the first in a long line of crazy women. Hence the Crazy Vaginas Are Magical Theory. A few years later during the early 90’s, she ended up in a cult and married to a friend of mine. It had been 4 years since I saw her, and 6 months since last seeing her husband when he knocked on my door, bible in hand, asking to come in. After he was inside, he tried to kick my ass because she had convinced him that I abused her and was stalking her. Neither happened. At the time, I was with the second girl in my Magical Vagina Mystery Tour. That one got me into being a stand up and also hit me with a car.